I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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