I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
