I wish I could teleport
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize