please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
