no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
