If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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