So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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