I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
