I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
