you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
