Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize