nut hugger
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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