i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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