Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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