A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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