i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
