i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
