Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
