I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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