Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
