just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
