Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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