so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
