i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
