Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
