so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
