Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
