Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
