hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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