if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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