Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
