Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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