The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
