she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
