Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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