I'm gonna have a badass scar
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
