Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
