i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
