I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
