I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
