Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
