i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
