Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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