Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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