I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
