its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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