do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
