i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
