So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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