and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Can I color on your dick again?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
