No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Success! We fucked roommates!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
