Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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