Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
