GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
