I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
