I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
