Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
