Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
