moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
