who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
