My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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