I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
