I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
