I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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