this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I am available for nakedness
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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