Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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