have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
