my room smells like sperm. sweet.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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