so explain again why im purple
no
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
