I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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