He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Hippo gnu deer
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
