i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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