TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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